The Jade Emperor II: The Conquerors Expansion


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Diogenes was once invited to dinner by a wealthy man. During the evening, one of the guests became so outraged by Diogenes’
general behaviour that he began to throw bones at him, calling him a “dog.” Whereupon Diogenes got up, went to the guest, cocked
up his leg and urinated on him.
Some strangers to Athens once asked Diogenes if he would point out to them the great philosopher [meaning Plato]. Diogenes
looked around and then led them to the most deserted part of the city and, gesturing to the empty air as one would in formal
introduction, said, “May I present to you the great philosopher Plato.”
Often when he was begging, Diogenes would be spat on by the people who passed him. Diogenes would ignore this and simply
wipe his face with his sleeve. When ridiculed for his passive behaviour, Diogenes said, “Since men endure being wetted by the sea
in order to net a mere herring, should I not endure being sprinkled to net my dinner?”
Diogenes was once asked why he took money from people. “To show them how they ought to spend their money,” he replied.
Diogenes was asked, “Tell me, to what do you attribute your great poverty?”
“Hard work,” he replied.
“And what advice can you offer the rich?”
“Avoid all the good things in life.”
“Because money costs too much. A rich man is far poorer than a poor man.”
“How can that be?”
“Because poverty is the only thing money can’t buy.”
On one bright, clear day, Diogenes was walking up and down the market place, holding a lighted lantern high in front of him and
peering around as if searching for something. When people gaped and asked him what he was doing, he replied, “I am looking for
an honest man.”
Diogenes was asked, “What is the difference between life and death?”
“No difference.”
“Well then, why do you remain in this life?”
“Because there is no difference.”
Diogenes was knee deep in a stream washing vegetables. Coming up to him, Plato said, “My good Diogenes, if you knew how to pay court to kings, you wouldn’t have to wash vegetables.” “And,” replied Diogenes, “If you knew how to wash vegetables, you wouldn’t have to pay court to kings.”
At one point Diogenes had a slave, but the slave ran away. Diogenes is supposed to have said: “If the slave can live without Diogenes, Diogenes can live without the slave.”
“Is it true, Diogenes, that you have been doing lewd acts in public and within your barrel?” Diogenes was asked, “I only wish that I could cure my hunger too, just by rubbing my belly.”
Diogenes was asked why he thought it was that people gave charity to cripples and beggars but not readily to him. “Was it an indication, perhaps, that he should get an honest job?” “No,” said Diogenes, “All men fear that they might become blind, crippled or poor some day, so they give in hopes that others will give. Yet no one ever worries that some day he’ll wake up and find he’s a philosopher.”


released February 8, 2017



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